This morning while lying in bed unable to sleep I had what might be considered an epiphany while looking back over my life. While it may have taken me 41 years and one month to realize this, I believe that it may prove to be one of those major turning points in my life.
This morning I have come to the realization that many among my Friends and some even among family have considered me to be a failure, a quitter, unable to accept responsibility and so on. I now realize that nothing could be further from the truth and any that feel such have not taken the time to really get to know me. I had a life changing event occur 18years and 11 months ago, the birth of my oldest daughter Rachael Anne. I remember walking to work the next day at Taco Time in Totem Lake , Kirkland , Washington
I contemplated what it meant to be a father and ways it would change my life. What was I going to do to be a “good” father? I came up with two guidelines that would serve as my guide with raising this wonderful beautiful baby daughter that God had blessed me with. Since my own father had been a less then good father, I would use my grandfather G. Russell Matheson, as an example of what a good father would be. I often remember my mom speaking of how she grew up always knowing that no matter what her father and mother loved her. Well I couldn’t speak for Rachael’s mother but I could for myself. And if Rachael, and 5 ½ years later Caitlyn Deanne, ever said or even felt similar feelings about me, well then I would know I had done my job and been a good father.
I made, the morning that Rachael Anne was born, a commitment and a promise to her and myself, and later to her sister Caitlyn Deanne, that I would NEVER place my career over my family; they would always come first should a conflict between the two arise. When Rachael was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, and autism spectrum disorder, mild Mental Retardation, Anxiety Disorder, and a couple of others I cannot remember at the moment. Only then did the full scope of what I had to deal with became evident.
While throughout my girl’s lives I have not always held a job and went thru two Marriages, one nasty and one not so nasty divorce, I have kept my promises. Many times sticking with Rachael, doing things like being the only father to show up to her 2nd grade Mother’s Day Tea.putting my career on hold for the last 8 years to devote all my energies to Rachael and Caitlyn. During which time I have been blessed yet again as to be with a woman that has been extremely understanding and willing to let me do this.
While it is true that Rachael no longer lives with me but has moved out and is living with her Aunt & Uncle, My commitment to her has not changed one bit, I believe she know that I still love her and that I am extremely proud of her. I know that while I have unfortunately not been able to have Caitlyn around 24/7/365, I believe that she know how much I love her and she loves me just as much.
It is true that I did not graduate from high school, and I have yet to finish my college Education, and I have not held a job over 14months. I HAVE in fact stuck to my commitment and promise to my girls, they have always been the first and foremost priority in my life.
